Etiquette - When Was it Lost?

Please don’t get scared by the title of this post today… I promise that it’s not scary, pretentious, or condescending in any way. Unfortunately, I think that this word has somehow managed to take on a relatively negative connotation. 

Etiquette n. - the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life

It is fascinating to me that there used to be a social obligation for young women to learn proper etiquette to show that they were well suited to be a wife and mother, but now it is not even in the norm for young men or women to be taught the basics of chewing with their mouth closed, thanking the host for having them over or being punctual. For many people the first thing that they think of when they see or hear the word etiquette is being well-mannered at the dinner table, but etiquette goes far beyond the dinner table. In fact, etiquette is something that should influence every aspect of a person’s life. From the way that they address strangers to the way that they walk, there is a distinct difference in temperament, kindness, civility, and social stability when there is a baseline of etiquette in society. 

I spend probably more time than I should wondering about what changed in the world to cause the importance of etiquette to no longer be taught? What was the social shift that encouraged both men and women that it was okay to be blatantly rude and disrespectful to others? When did society “decide” that teaching our children etiquette was no longer important? 

I also wonder how the lack of etiquette that is being taught to our children and that is present in the prominent generations will impact the overall civility of our world. Although many think that it is “easier” to throw manners to the side, I think that in the long run, it is extremely detrimental. Think about this… let’s say you were set up on a date with someone a friend knew. Your friend told you that this person was SOOO nice and they thought that you could make a great couple. You decide to go on a dinner date with this person. Remember that you do not know this person well, if at all. You sit down at the dinner table and the food is served. Your date decides to take a big bite of food and talk with food in his mouth. Spit and food are flying across the table with every word out of their mouth and chew that they take. Do you think that this would make for a good first impression? I think not. 

Personally, I would not choose to go on another dinner date with that person because I know that past your mid-teens there is really no “changing” a person. After 15 years of having no direction in regard to basic manners, that person would likely be a lost cause if you were to try to teach them. 

In my personal life, I have found that employing basic etiquette techniques such as simple manners at the table (mind you, I do slip up and get lazy sometimes), greeting others, paying attention to and remembering people’s names, making eye contact when having a conversation, and even sending customized, hand-written Thank You notes. 

While I do think that there is benefit to taking etiquette to the next level, I also think that implementing even the smallest forms of etiquette can be really beneficial to your life.

What is something that you think of when you hear “etiquette”?

Is there a person in your life that you either know or remember to have a lot of etiquette? 

I look forward to discussing your answer with you, and diving in a bit deeper as I embark on some posts about basic and more advanced etiquette. My hope is to make this a boisterous subseries in the Femininity portion of my website.